Dear Stela,

I'm so sorry I don't get to write to you often. I'm just so busy with three kids! Plus work and keeping a house and all that other stuff. It's a shame I haven't been able to write more because you are such a lovely thing and I adore you with all my heart, and then some! We have been back and forth on your name. Not your name actually, but the spelling of it. On your birth certificate it is spelled with two l's and on your blessing certificate just one. I think your daddy prefers one, the Czech way, and I prefer two, for no particular reason. Other than it is stellar with out the r which is exactly what I think you are! Seriously, you are wonderful! You are a happy and content baby. You used to sleep through the night, but now not so much. But you do go to bed with out a fuss. Since you may be my last I was hoping you would go slowly and take your time moving from one thing to the next. No such luck. You want to go, go, go and move quickly from one developmental milestone to the next. You love your tummy. I wondered if I could make a baby that loved her tummy so I gave you tummy time. I'm not sure if that is it or not but I got a baby that loved her tummy. One of my favorite memories of you was at your 4 month doctor appointment. You laid on your tummy with your arms pushed up and head lifted the entire visit. You just twisted your head and body enough to follow Dr Fox wherever he went. He was amused by it too. Something about a 4 month old tracking his every move made him laugh. You learned to roll over on my Birthday. Happy Birthday to me! You were three and a half months old. Then when you were five months old you sat on your own. And at just under 7 months you started army crawling. Just a week ago you started doing the real thing and I love to watch it. But it won't last long because the next day you discovered that you could pull yourself to standing and now that is what you do. Constantly. On anything that looks like it will work. And if the surface you are using is just right you start to inch your feet around. Cruising. Furniture walking.  I'm sure that real walking won't be far behind because I have learned the pattern with you.

You are a gorgeous baby. You get compliments all the time. People frequently will comment that you are just such a pretty baby. You don't have any hair. Never did. It's slowly coming in. I will love when you have it, but I think you are perfect just the way you are. You also get compliments because you are so happy and friendly. You have a smile that is contagious. Oh how I love it! Seriously baby girl, I just couldn't be happier with you. I still shake my head sometimes when I  think about you being a girl because I was so sure you were going to be a boy. I would have loved a boy. Of course I would have. But I look at you and my heart swells with the feeling that you are exactly the baby I wanted. I am so blessed! You and your sister and brother make my life so happy. And busy. And every day I am so grateful for you.

I love you baby girl! My little Stel(l)a!

Love,

Mom

Dear Stela,

You are the sweetest little baby that ever existed! I adore you so much! I think it is in part due to the fact that by the third kid I kind of know what I am doing, but also it is a good chunk that you are pure perfection! You smile now. A lot. And recently you started cooing. It is so cute to see you finding your voice. I notice it so much with you because you don't make much noise otherwise. You very rarely cry so hearing sound out of you is unexpected. And then the sounds that do come from you are so, so sweet. You are especially happy in the mornings. But just now as I was putting you to sleep you kept smiling and cooing. I would look down and see eyes closed. And then the next time I would look you would be smiling. When I smiled back you cooed. My heart melted. The first time you did it tonight you were almost asleep and I kissed your forehead. A big smile spread across your face. I guess at 7 weeks old you already understand that a kiss on the forehead means is a symbol of pure love. You are the best baby girl! I love you so much and I am so excited to be your mama and to watch you grow and spend so much time with you.

Love,
Mama

PS Did I tell you that you are sleeping through the night? You have been doing it for a couple of weeks now. You sleep from about 10pm to 5am. Amazing! It could have something to do with me reading all those books about French parenting when I was pregnant with you and the ways their babies "do their nights" by two months old and the tricks and technics I learned. But it could also have something to do with the fact that you are just a sweet, sweet baby. Either way, I love you for it!

Dear Stela,

I got to spend some quality time with you tonight after Max and Maggie went to bed. I hate to say it, but I don't get to spend much quality time with you. It makes me feel bad. I'm so busy trying to attend to the needs of three kids and I don't get to love on you as much as I wish I could. But tonight I did and it was wonderful. You are wonderful. You are such a great baby! You have already slept through the night three times! When people as how you are I answer either, "I dream come true" or "perfection". I just adore you! Tonight while I was talking to you I started thinking about what you will do with you life. What it holds in store for you. What adventures you will have. I don't know. But I do have a strong feeling that you are someone very special. I think often of that impression I had of you the night before you were born. I know that you are a very special spirit that was ready to come down and start your mortal life. I'm not saying that I think you will be the next Joan of Arc (although I'm not saying you won't either). What I feel is that even if you live a perfectly "ordinary" life it, or rather you, will be something extraordinary. You just are. I feel it. And "perfectly ordinary lives" are filled with magic and bravery and triumphs, the stuff that fairy tales and adventure movies are made of. You are only 6 weeks old and already you are everything I could ever dream of you being. You are just....... wonderful.

I love you baby girl!

Love,
Mama

Dear Stela,

You smile now. You did it for the first time yesterday. And you did it once today. It is like I am addicted and I need me some Stela smiles right away. And always. Your smiles are the best drug ever!

Mama

Dear Stella,

Today was your blessing day. It was perfect! Such a beautiful day. I sewed you a dress and I stayed up late last night finishing it. It was safety pinned closed because I didn't get the buttons done, but other than that it turned out great. And you looked beautiful in it. You woke up and ate just in time for us to get you dressed and to church on time. You were awake but calm during your blessing. Daddy gave you a beautiful blessing.  He talked about how lucky you were to be born in the gospel and into a family that loved you and would take good care of you. He talked about how much your brother and sister love you and that they will be your protectors in life and help you when needed. And he said that I was a compassionate and loving mother and that I would be a good example to you. (I do love you so much and have nothing but an overflowing heart of affection for you and I will do my best to take care of you, always and forever!). He also talked about your extended family and friends and just in general how many people love you and will be there for you to help you in your life. It was a very beautiful and very touching blessing. Lots of family and friends came to be with us for your blessing, including grandma and grandpa, Gwenna, Gar and family, Nathan and family, Travis and family, Militza and family, Janet and her family, Meg and her family and Jenn and Jake. I bore my testimony. I talked about the contrast in emotions and experiences I experienced the last year as I grieved Joydell's passing and anticipated your birth. I talked about how much the gospel supported me throuh both experiences and how much I learned through both experiences. And expressed my gratitude for family and that part of God's plan. I love the family I grew up in and I love the little family that I am creating of my own. I expressed my gratitude for the answers the gospel gives us, even though there are still so many questions. And I mentioned that strong impression I had the night before you were born about what the experience was like for you as you prepared to get a body and come to Earth for your mortal life. You fell asleep and I got to hold you and rock you through the rest of the meeting. After church we had a brunch with family and friends that came to your blessing. We had it at a park and it was such a nice day and the park was calm and peaceful and it was so good to be with family and friends and relax together. When we came home you and I took a nap on "the big bed" together. When we woke up we spent time with daddy and Max and Maggie and it was nice. The whole day was nice. It was beautiful. It was perfect. You are beautiful and you are perfect, so it was a fitting way to celebrate your birth and blessing.

I love you so much baby Stella! My heart swells whenever I look at you. I am so grateful that I get to be your mama. I'm so grateful that I get to have you as my baby and hold you and feed you and change your diapers and wipe your spit up and have your fingers wrapped around mine. I love everything about you and I am so grateful you are mine! Forever and always.

Love,
Mama

Happy Due Date!

Dear Baby,

Happy Due Date! I was sure you were going to be born early and I would have an April baby, but it looks like you will be a May baby after all. My pregnancy with you has been great, I can't complain, but it has been a little harder on my body than my first two pregnancies (because I am getting old!) and at times I have been anxious to be done being pregnant. I have hated feeling that way because I love the miracle of creating life and the closeness I feel having you grow inside me. Last night I was laying in bed thinking about how your due date would be the next day and realizing that this time next week (if not much sooner) I would be holding you on the outside of my body. At that moment you moved softly inside my tummy and I felt such a special feeling of the exact phase of the journey we are on and the beauty of being pregnant with you. I'm excited to meet you, but for now I am going to cherish the amazing experience of carrying you in me and helping you grow with all the good food (and sometimes not so "good") food that I eat. It is nice to have you with me everywhere and to be so connected to you.

I love you baby. I hope to meet you soon!

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby,

It is about time for you to be born. I am ready. Or as ready as I can be. It seems like you have been growing in me forever. It is sweet for me to think back to that day in early August when I learned about you. It was a beautiful day. My grief about losing my sister was still so fresh and the thought of a new life growing inside of me filled me with so much hope and something happy amidst my sorrow. I know God is the one in charge of sending you to me, but it sort of felt like my sister had something to do with it too. And now, nine months later it is time for me to meet you. In a lot of ways I still don't really comprehend that you are coming. Sometimes I look down at my tummy in motion and think in awe that there is a baby in there. I try to wrap my head around it, but I can't. Still, I know that I will love you. Instantly. And more and more each day. I know that you will bring so much joy to my life. I have all the anxiety that comes with welcoming a new baby into your life, but I know that I will never ever regret having you. I already love you. You are already mine.  I will miss you being inside of me, but I will love having you in my arms.

I hope to meet you soon baby!

Love,
Mama